Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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