I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
