I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
