I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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