I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
