It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
