once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
