Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
