That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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