Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
