i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
