Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you had me at cake vodka
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
