4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
