Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
