fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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