she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There's even glitter on my cock...
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