I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
