mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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