I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
