I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
