She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
