your thong is hanging out like whoa
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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