You just made me feel so damn special
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
