this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
