You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
