That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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