the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
