My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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