OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
