OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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