this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
