if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
