I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
