so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
