fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Randomize
