I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
