Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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