margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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