it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
