I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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