im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
