i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize