she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
