Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
should my penis look like a turkey
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
