Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
