just come out here and I will go home with you...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She announced her abortion via fbk
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
