I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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