come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
