your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize