I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
