I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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