me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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