she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
