sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
