I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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