my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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