Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
