Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
