i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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