What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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