I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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