im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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