you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
