Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
