he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
