The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
