I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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