Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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