The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
