Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
